Tuesday, June 18, 2013

I Am Alright, Are You?

Losing you to someone else should make me sad, right? Wrong. Am not. So maybe it should make me, angry then, right? Wrong again. I am beyond anger, even. Well, this is funny. Funny in a way that even I can’t understand. Funny in a way that I haven't been known to respond to something like this. But I know it feels right. I am neither sad nor angry. In fact I feel intensely peaceful.
 I have spent a better part of the last year and a half missing you and crying silent tears. I have spent my vacation abroad wishing you had come along, pushing myself to the point of feeling depressed, when actually, I should have been taking in the sights and sounds and reveling in the joys of a holiday. That’s what holidays are meant to be, right? Right, this once.
And now, after all of this, I thought getting a confirmation, in as clear terms as I can get, saying that you have moved on and are with someone else, should devastate me. That’s exactly what I thought would happen to me. I thought all hell would break loose inside of me and my world would come crashing down. But it didn’t. I am still standing tall and the best part is that I haven't lost my smile, it's still right there where it belongs. It's true, initially, it was not a pleasant feeling to get to know. Not in the least.
But now.. Now things are beginning to surprise even me. All that I had thought would become of me, if I were to lose you, didn’t happen. And I have only my own integrity, something that I shall never compromise on, to thank for that. For I believe that if you are true to yourself and the other person, you will be alright. And I am alright. I have no regrets. I will always cherish you. Having you is not everything. Loving you, on the other hand, was.
Having said that, here’s a parting note – it’s true that I did love you. I know I never said it in so many words or as often as I would have liked to, but it was there for you to see and feel. And the fact that I loved you with all I had, can never be a lie. It would be a lie, if I were to deny that to you or worse, to myself. So I acknowledge that. And I acknowledge that I’m setting you free. Free from my hopes and my dreams. But this is no goodbye. This is just me saying, I am alright. And hope you will be too, always.