I must confess I found my old piece of writing quite juvenile to start with, when I read it after all these years. And so I ended up adding a little here and there and even did away with a line or two. But for those minor changes, everything else is essentially the way it was written all those years ago ! I would say, certain emotions and feelings are never too old and never really qualify as passé. It’s for the sake of this very emotion that’s ageless and universal, that I put up this article here. Well, that’s just my thought. You can decide for yourself as you read on… (Be warned that you may need to put aside all logic for a bit as you read the story below, as it is after all a work of pure fiction that I wrote as a teenager!)
> I loved her like I have loved no else before or ever will hereafter. I was crazy, possessed, obsessed, call it what you may, all in the name of love. But nothing came close to describing and nothing will ever diminish the intensity of what I felt for her, since the very first time I met her!
I do not seek to rationalize this feeling. For the very feeling is euphoric enough to make me drift away into a world of my own and not wish to return. But I ask aloud all the same. Is this really what they call Love? Or is this just another malady masquerading as love? If it is some sort of malady then what is the cure, is there an antidote to revive the person who has fallen straight into its depths? Who can explain why one willingly devotes all one’s time, one’s heart, mind and soul to a special someone, someone who can neither be replaced nor forgotten? Why does one wait endlessly for just one phone call, a note or even a few precious moments to be spent only with that someone when the world around has so much else to offer? Why does one have that burning desire to catch a glimpse of that person’s face, even if it’s just a fleeting glimpse in passing? Why does one seek out that one person in a crowd and strain one’s ears just to listen to that familiar voice time and again? And why does the sound of that voice or a whiff of that person’s perfume in the air put a smile on our faces for no apparent reason? The answers to all these questions I may never find, but one thing is for sure, if you believe in love, it will never let you down.
I am now going to narrate our story, which many a heart that has been in love may be able to relate to, to some extent atleast.
From the moment she walked into my life, I knew that we were meant to be together till the end of time. She was everything that I had ever wished for and to me there was no world beyond her. Her cheery smile and friendly ‘hello’ was all it took to brighten up my day. I relied on her presence in my life so completely that it did not matter where I was, who else was around or even if I was breathing or not anymore, as long as she was there beside me. Everything around felt beautiful and perfect when we were together, and it seemed as if this blissful feeling would prevail in our lives forever. And then we broke up. The grand dreams we had built like sandcastles on a beach were then washed away by the wave of misunderstanding. It was as if a thousand daggers had all found their target in me as they struck me down hard. Till then I was living in a prolonged sweet dream; now I was all awake and sitting up and she was gone. No one could possibly understand and if at all someone could, words would not be enough to express the agony this breaking up lead to.
The two of us had been like two leaves on the same branch with similar thoughts, aspirations and ideas and our lives were evergreen with happiness that knew no end and sorrow had no room in our hearts. We were inseparable and the strong bond of love between us promised to keep the two of us together for all eternity. But now everything suddenly seemed impossible and our love seemed like an illusion. The days that followed our break-up were miserable to say the least. I soon lost my appetite and spent many sleepless nights just staring into empty space. And even when I struggled to get some rest by closing my eyes, visions of her haunted me making me feel helpless about all that had happened. I so desperately wanted her back by my side.
No one, not even the closest of my friends could divert my mind to some other thought. Day in and day out, she was all I had in mind, she was the light that made me see, the air that kept me breathing and the blood that coursed through my veins. Now I was a broken man, feeling blind and choking in her absence. As time passed my condition became worse and a visit to the doctor confirmed that I was physically ill, not to mention the mental torture I was going through.
Then one day, it happened. As I sat on my wall reading a tragic love story just like ours, I felt for the first time in weeks, a strong urge to go and meet her. I don’t know what made me feel that way but something inside me told me that if I did not see her then, I would not be seeing her ever again.
Deciding to walk over to her house right away, I jumped off the wall. But I just couldn’t move a step as my mind kept telling me to hold back while my heart forced me to proceed. Finally I gave in to my heart, which had a very special place for her and her alone.
As I walked, I felt I was taking a trip down memory lane. The thought of our wonderful past together then brought out memories of our very first date. With warm tears rolling down my cheeks, I moved on but I just couldn’t make it to my love’s house. Before I even realized what was happening, I blacked out.
I remember no more but when I opened my eyes again, I realized I was lying on a hospital bed. Doctors, nurses, my friends and even she was there at my bedside. Or was it really her ? Maybe my mind was playing games with me, just like fate had all these years. But one thing was unmistakable, something I could not have missed with my eyes wide open; all of them were solemnly looking down at me in the saddest manner.
It was only later that I learnt that I had an enlarged heart and that I was not going to live for much longer. The thought of dying did not worry me, but some of my so-called friends now joked among themselves saying that the enlargement of my heart had been caused by my love and that it would keep on enlarging as long as my love for her kept growing within. When I heard this, it hurt me most.
But all this is to be forgotten. Its time to make amends. Whatever they said is partly true. The love I have for her in my heart will never cease to grow. And as I lie on my bed, awaiting death to come and embrace me, I strongly believe that people may die, but love never dies and that it is forever. This lifetime may not have seen us together, but someday she and I will meet again and start a brand new story of our own. < As a footnote, I’d like to add that I believe in the following
– ->-@ Love is formless, ageless and timeless and it surpasses the limitations of our mortal mind and physical form. ->-@ Love is the purest of feelings that transcends the boundaries that we have created for ourselves like caste, creed, religion, social status and race. It is thereby not bound or restricted by the colour of our skin, our gender, our nationality, the tongue we speak in or by the worldly wealth we possess.
->-@ Love is not about the possession or the ownership of another, it is the joy and contentment in knowing that you are together no matter what and nothing will stand in between or separate you, not time, not distance, not even death. It does not seek to be qualified nor does it get altered in any way by the adjectives we prefix it with, be it romantic, platonic, young, old, new, motherly, brotherly, sisterly and so on and so forth.
->-@ Love is not limited to be shared just between lovers. All living beings have the innate potential and the right to love and be loved by every other living being around regardless of their way of life, thinking and all else.
For Love is more than all of that. It is a way of life. And Love is Immortal just like all of us.
So love with all you’ve got and welcome the warmth of love into your lives. Let its magic and healing powers transform your lives. Remember, it is Love that forges a relationship so let not a relationship define and decide if love should enter your life.
