Seasons of Change

On a cold winter’s evening, I sat beside the window, the blinds drawn out, gazing out at the falling snow, as it piled up high on my front drive. It was only the beginning of winter and I already felt numb all over. The blazing logs in the furnace did not do much to drive that sense of numbness away. Probably because this had a lot more to do with my state of mind at the moment, which matched the gloomy, bleak atmosphere around.  

Exactly a week before, I’d received a note from my friend, telling me that the festivities had taken off and concluded on an unsullied note (for which I was glad and relieved) and that he was back home to oversee the renovation of his store. The ‘festivities’ in question here was that of a wedding, one that I had consciously avoided. In hindsight, maybe I should have attended. Maybe, in a way, it would have helped put a closure to things. But fearing further complications in an already complicated matter, I shied away from it. And on a more personal and selfish level, the reality of it all was too harsh for me to confront. I could not bring myself to accept that it was finally happening; that my beloved … was now marrying another man, not so much by choice as by the pressures of circumstances, that were probably once in my hands to take control of and change. But now, the seasons had already changed.

It was only this spring that I first met her. Introduced by common friends while I was out to do my apprenticeship in the city, our acquaintanceship soon turned to friendship and before we knew it, we were deeply in love with each other.

By mid-summer, we were already seeing each other, at first in a more covert fashion and then more openly as we gained familiarity with the circle of mutual friends we’d made over the months. She was in the city attending finishing school while boarding at her uncle’s place and meeting her meant that we had to steer away from all those places that were frequented by members of her uncle’s family and without rousing any of their suspicions by the hours we kept. Despite the restrictions we had, we still managed to spend all our time in the company of each other, while we were otherwise not busy with our respective purpose for being in the city, to start with. All summer long we enjoyed countless hours just wandering around hand-in-hand in the park or on boat-trips to places nearby. Occasionally, we even got to meet late evening or at night when her uncle’s family was away for a day or two. Such rendezvous were extra special as we could rent a boat all to ourselves and then paddle out into the middle of the lake and spend the rest of the evening together, whispering endlessly to each other in the stillness all around, while gazing at the starlit sky or even ride out to the valley and spend time there, with my banjo and her enchanting voice in tow. And thus, by the time summer had come to an end, to say that we had become inseparable would have been an understatement.

With the onset of autumn came in a slew of fresh challenges. With her sojourn in the city coming to an end and my apprenticeship still on, it meant that she would return to her own home in the countryside while I would continue to stay on in the city, for a while. This is turn meant inevitable separation, a thought that neither of us could bear and a discussion that we’d mutually evaded thus far, for the mere thought of it was painful for the two of us. And when it did come upon us, neither of us was prepared. The first few days of her going away were the hardest. Our friends had to constantly hold me back each time I almost packed my bags and decided to call it quits in the city, leaving my apprenticeship unfinished. I finally had my mind all made up to approach her father and seek her hand in marriage when I received the heartbreaking news. A mutual friend, who happened to be visiting a relative close to her place, brought me a letter she had hastily penned before he returned to the city. My beloved’s father had now decided that it was time for his youngest daughter to marry and with the thought had even sought out a groom for her. Without giving much thought to what she had to say, her family had even set a date for the wedding at the end of autumn. To say that the news just shocked me would be underplaying it. I hadn’t expected things to take such a drastic turn, at such short notice. As my mind raced, desperately seeking a way out of the turn of events, a single line at the bottom of the note she had written me, caught my eye. It simply said ‘It’s still not too late, come get me and we will together seek out a new life someplace else’. That very sentence initiated a huge conflict in my mind. While on one hand I felt should leave right away and go get her, another part of me kept telling me that eloping was not the right thing to do. Eventually I decided to go speak to her family anyway and seek their consent to us getting married. To my mind, that was the only right thing to do! With the falling autumn leaves leaving a colourful trail behind me on my path, I set out to claim what I believed was rightfully mine; to claim a missing part of me that would make me complete again.

Arriving at her country home, I must say I wasn’t very welcome. To start with, I was introduced to the family as a friend of her’s from the city. Within the next couple of days I had gotten to know each member of her family and they all seemed to view my relationship with her, with considerable suspicion. And rightly so, for mere friends we certainly were not. Soon I had gathered enough wits about me to have ‘the conversation’ with her parents. No sooner had I broached the subject with them, was I strongly opposed with an almost immediate and vehement rejection. They wouldn’t hear any of what I had to say thereafter. If I was an unwelcome guest before, I had suddenly been further demoted to the status of a sworn enemy. As I found myself thrown out almost literally from their home, I suddenly realized that while I still loved her very much and would never be the same without her, I no longer had it in me to put up a fight and make my claim. With dejection written all over me, I retraced my footsteps.

And today as I sit on what has become my constant perch beside the window and look out at the falling snow yet again, I feel a vast emptiness inside of me. I had, despite myself, let the moment pass. I had, of my own accord, let my only chance at a meaningful life, just slip away. Perhaps I should’ve have heeded her words and eloped with her. And had I done that, right now I would not have found myself in this miserable, ‘shattered and numbed beyond recovery’ state.

The change of seasons had, with them, brought about a lifetime of change in me and in my life. I was no longer the same person I used to be a year ago. The seasons of change had finally caught up with me for good.

A Miracle called Friendship

I have often wondered about the miracle that is Friendship. I’d like to call it a miracle for that’s exactly how it seems when it touches your life in the most unexpected and mysterious of ways. And each time I’ve tried to fathom how or what makes it turn out to be the way it does in the end, I’ve drawn a blank. For many a times we may aspire to get to know someone better because we feel instinctively connected to that someone on a certain level that most others wouldn’t even get close to, the very first time we meet them. But it may happen that we later realize that somehow those first few moments when we felt that connect, may have been misguiding after all, as we discover that we are actually two very different people. At other times, what may start out as just a casual acquaintance that you don’t pay much attention to initially, or even the first few times, may well turn out to be the strongest bond you’ve ever shared with another human being who is not your next of kin or blood relative. Such is the quality of friendship. It may come to you from totally unforeseen quarters but once it has touched your life, your life is never quite the same again! Just like miracles that turn your life around completely when they happen.
As I think deeper on the subject, my mind comes up with an image of a nest with fledglings in it. It may all seem unconnected at first but I feel that one can draw many parallels to that image in relation to the whole concept of friendship, if we really look at it from angles to which I intend to introduce you to now. Just like fledglings in a nest we embark on the first few formative years of our lives, by placing our trust completely in the other fledglings around in the nest. The bonhomie naturally exists. This is at a point in time when the outside world is absolutely shut out and way beyond our understanding and perception. Blind faith in one another and acceptance are the dominant factors that prevail at this stage. In most cases, the nest is analogous to the portals of our schools where everyone starts out together as equals, sheltered from the harsh world outside. At this juncture in life, our minds are still young, fresh, untainted and open to the idea of unconditional acceptance. We don’t evaluate, judge or appraise another simply because these are still alien concepts to us at this point. It is still not plagued by the ills of the vast world outside. There is no room for initial mistrust to start with, nor is there a whole lot of speculation or a tread-with-caution attitude. Everything is mostly just black and white here. Shades of grey are barely visible. In the sense, you either get along or you don’t. And it’s not because your getting along with another and making friends with him/ her is influenced by any other ulterior motive. It is not coloured by what may turn out to be beneficial and what may not. Simple and straightforward, it’s friendship in its purest form, if it exists between two people. And together you learn to share, to care and be genuinely interested in the other. Thereby, it’s no wonder that some of the best friends we have are those that we made early on, in school.
As time goes by and the fledglings start discovering their wings, and explore the extent to which those wings can take them, the influence of the outside world creeps in. Just like when you and I probably stepped out into college and realized that things still seem the same, people are still somewhat open to the idea of new friendships but not exactly with the same openness or enthusiasm. The ground is now set for a more self-centered picking. With maturity has now come a certain amount of speculation followed by selection. You figure out who you are now and then decide which group you belong with. Your school group of friends may have had nerds and party animals alike, for instance, and it didn’t matter. You all got along just fine. Here that kind of heterogeneous mingling may not find place as you may decide you don’t belong with the nerd herd or that you simply cant afford to hang out with the gang that’s most notorious around campus. Self awareness brings about the need to fit in and make a mark. Blending in with any crowd just may not work.
Finally when a full grown bird flies out to face the real challenges of the world, as do the human counterparts that are readying to start with their work lives, a lot more hard reality hits. You literally get welcomed into a new world, a world where people are neither open nor really keen to even know you personally, leave alone making friends with you! Even if you do approach someone with the idea of building a friendship, like you did back during your student days, you soon get a feel of how the real world works. Realizing that someone you considered a friend and bared your thoughts to openly at your workplace, is actually misusing that information elsewhere to strengthen their stand in the organization, now cuts you like a knife. But soon you too get accustomed to the ways of the world for what it is. It's now a matter of blend in with the crowd or else prepare to stick out like a sore thumb kind of situation. Taking a great amount time to get to gradually get to know people before you build any bonds or make any commitments may not be the only addition to the way you begin to deal with your personal relationships. One may also begin to include a whole lot of other tactics that include more than a fair share of caution, if not a general mistrust of all one meets for the first time at the work spot, if only to protect oneself from being hurt and letdown. Then that could be followed by evaluation as to whether it’s going to work in your favour or whether it'll prove to be detrimental as far as your interests go. In other words, friendship has lost the meaning you once thought it had. It has become just another causal word in your everyday life. If there is any new bond to be forged you learn to look for it outside the workplace. The adult bird at this point has figured out exactly which tree to build his nest in and who may or may not come near his nest, who he needs to be wary of and scare away.

  In conclusion what I’d like to say is that despite how time and the places life takes us to change the way we bond with people, friendship could still walk into your life. And as I said earlier, it happens in the most mysterious of ways and maybe with someone totally unexpected or even when you least expect it to. And when it does, embrace it with an open mind for it could be synonymous with a miracle happening in your life.

The Key to Happiness - It's All In Our Minds

The old man sat at the edge of his bed, his legs not quite reaching the floor below. He was once a fairly tall man, able-bodied and agile. But now he was just a shriveled, gaunt frame, his back bent twice over in his old age because of which he appeared much shorter now and his legs were dangling off the sides of the bed, even though he was seated at its very edge.
Lt Col. P (let’s just call him that for the sake of simplicity) had served for twenty long years in the army and had retired at the end of it, a decorated man, happy and content with his achievements while in service. He had fought many a battle and done his country and his family, namely his wife and three children, proud. He’d led quite an exemplary life and had been the kind of man everyone looked up to. He was without any doubt meticulous in his ways and always made sure everything in his professional and personal life was well-planned and well-taken care of. He made sure his children, two boys and a girl, went to the best of schools, ensured that apart from their education they were also encouraged to learn and pursue other interests, be it in the field of sport or music or whatever else they set their hearts on. His wife, Mrs. P on the other hand was a quiet and pleasant woman. Though she was not someone of many words, she was still very capable and ran the house efficiently and readily took charge as the head of the house whenever her husband was posted in far off places for long spells of time. She was a pillar of support and strength for her three children and never let them feel the lack of anything in their lives. Whenever the children expressed their fears over their father’s safety, while he fought fierce battles in distant lands, she would constantly reassure them and make them feel secure and confident of his safe return.
Now their three children had all grown up. The eldest, was an attorney and he led a busy life having married a lady of his own profession and when the two were not otherwise busy with the numerous legal cases they took on, their packed social lives took over. Entertaining people within their social circle at the drop of a hat, had to them, become as important as any other thing in their life. To the couple, having lavish, all-night long parties for their “distinguished” set of guests was as normal as waking up, getting dressed and setting off to work. And they wouldn’t have it any other way. Compromise of any sort thereby was unthinkable for the two of them.
The second son had gone on to finish his education at one of the premiere institutions in the country, passing out with flying colours. His life seemed to be shaping up well and everything seemed to be in place, until one day, his fiancé and college sweetheart had met with a horrible motor accident which took her life. After that incident, he had become a completely changed man altogether. He slowly cut off all ties with people he had once considered his friends and family. The last his parents had heard about him was that he had taken to drugs and was wasting away whatever was left of his life, frequently making trips between one prison and another.
The youngest, their only daughter had become a nurse and started work at a local hospital close to her parents home. Soon after she had married one of the doctors at that very hospital. And in no time her husband had decided to relocate to a different country in search of better career prospects.
And thus the last of their children had been distanced in one way or another from this aging couple. Not that they complained or made a fuss about any of it. Far from it, they had only been too happy to see all their children grow up and make a mark of their own and carve a niche for themselves in the wide world around. Their only regret had been what life had dealt out to their second son. They somehow could not come to terms completely with what had become of him. But as years rolled by, that too became a part of their distant but significant past.
Old Lt.Col. P, slowly began to get a little too forgetful about things. Once an organized man, he would now forget even little things like where he’d left his spectacles or the remote for the television. There were times when he’d go wandering off and then forget his way home till some neighbour recognized him and brought him back home. His wife on the other hand, was slowly losing her vision. What started out as blurred images, were now fast becoming barely visible entities. She would often stumble on things at home and end up having bruises and cuts that seemed to take ages to heal. All in all, this once efficient, self-made and self-sufficient couple, was soon finding it very hard to manage on their own. Finally their older son, had the two of them put away in a institution for the aged. Thus they came to be permanent residents of this new “home away from home”.
As Lt. Col. P sat on his bed that morning, dangling his legs gleefully, there seemed to be a strange excitement about him. He seemed to have a perpetual grin on his face as he gazed into the empty garden beyond the open window of his room. Mrs. P was in a room somewhere nearby, knitting away, mostly making absurd patterns out of wool. But that was among the last of her passions she had left in her. Day in and day out she’d knit away to glory. She too had that far way look in her eyes, though now she was practically blind to everything and everyone around her.
Lt. Col P, in his mind, was having quite a celebration of his own. He was dressed in his best coat and favourite pair of trousers and shirt. He was in his garden in the backyard of his old home and there seemed to be some sort of party going on. He was not quite alone, like he was in actuality. He was surrounded by his wife and children. No, his children were not all grown up like they were now, in fact they were just teenagers, and all of them in turn bustling in and out of the house, each carrying out a dish from the kitchen as their mother handed it out to them. They were arranging it all on the wrought-iron table in the backyard, which was painted white and looking spotless and grand amidst the rest of the decorations around. Soon his wife came out of the house carrying a huge three-tiered strawberry cream cake. That was a personal favourite of Lt. Col P and his wife. They had each year, right from the day they had been married, cut such a cake on their wedding anniversary. On this day too, Lt.Col. P was celebrating his wedding anniversary, though it was more like reliving those fond memories after all these years, in his mind. It was all like it had been before, all rosy and vivid, and filled with sweet recollections and sentiments he held dear. He was now one with all his numerous colourful, bright and joyous visualizations. He was oblivious to the world outside as was his wife, lost in a pleasant world of her own. They were both far removed from the harsh reality around and had managed in their own ways to put aside thoughts of what had become their lives now. And thus here was a very happy old couple, lost in their own little worlds, reliving moments of an unforgettable yesterday deep down in their minds, all over again.

As a parting note, I’d like to say this. Life takes different twists and turns, as we grow older and as each day passes us by. It is true that we expect things to be the way they are at this moment, forever. We wish that the people we’ve done so much for wouldn’t change, wouldn’t desert us or even move far away. And there is nothing wrong in wishing or feeling that way. We are but human beings and those are but human sentiments. As individuals we can make up our minds to stand-by and support the very people who’ve done so much for us; who’ve sacrificed so much for us. But as I said, one can never anticipate what turns life may take. Perhaps in the story above, the eldest son could’ve altered his lifestyle just a little bit so as to accommodate his aged parents and their growing needs and newly established dependencies. But like what happened with the other two, sometimes life just takes you so far away physically (like with the daughter in the story) or even mentally distances us from those we love (like what happened with the second son). These are often things that are beyond our control, its not like we want it to be the way it turns out to be. Things just happen for reasons we may never find or understand. For that’s what life is about, it all just happens.
And though we’d like to hold on to certain moments forever, it is inevitable that those moments have to pass and just become fragments of our memory. But then, our mind is a truly wonderful thing. It’s the most powerful gift that we possess. It helps recreate and feel those memories and moments all over again. No matter what twists or what course your life takes, never lose sight of all that you truly hold dear or let go of memories that you treasure. For one day, maybe in the distant future, maybe even tomorrow, one never knows when, these very memories can recreate a blissful world for us, one that would make us forget for a while and as often as we want it to, all that would have become of our lives at that point. That way, come what may, we would all still be happy, even if it’s all just in our minds - our own private space that no one can take away from nor separate us from.

Kiss My Blues Away

I originally intended this as lyrics of a song and would love to explore composing music to go with it.
It’s a humble attempt at something that I’d love to explore sometime at leisure (writing lyrics for songs) but feel I have a long way to go, before I actually get to where I want to be.


Kiss My Blues Away

Walking down that lonely stretch of road
We used to call our own
Memories of you come flooding back
Reminding me of that joy I had once known.

We used to spend our days together
And our nights under the stars
Reveling in all the good things that came by
And turning away from troubles like they were not ours.

Ch : But then I don’t know what came between us
What took you so far away
Please tell me that won’t be forever
That you’ll be back someday
To fill this lonely heart of mine
And to kiss my blues away
Yes, to kiss my blues away.

My life has been so empty since the day that you were gone
My heart has been ever so eager
To listen to your laughter, to listen to your song.
Hope I won’t have to wait much longer for I am not all that strong
To go on with life without you beside me
To last out in your absence so long.

I’d wait for you forever
And I’d hide all those silent tears
If only you would promise you’ll come back to me
If only you would put aside that uncertainty and allay my fears.

Ch : But then I don’t know what came between us
What took you so far away
Please tell me that won’t be forever
That you’ll be back someday
To fill this lonely heart of mine
And to kiss my blues away (fade…)
Yes, to kiss my blues away...

Love - One word that says it all

The following is a first-person narrative dating back to my school days. I must’ve been really motivated at the time, to have put myself in another's shoes and written this piece of fiction, the way it turned out to be. Or maybe I was just finding more interesting ways to keep myself occupied, by letting my mind and in turn my pen and notebook venture into new unexplored territories, as I sat through a free-period in school.
I must confess I found my old piece of writing quite juvenile to start with, when I read it after all these years. And so I ended up adding a little here and there and even did away with a line or two. But for those minor changes, everything else is essentially the way it was written all those years ago ! I would say, certain emotions and feelings are never too old and never really qualify as passé. It’s for the sake of this very emotion that’s ageless and universal, that I put up this article here. Well, that’s just my thought. You can decide for yourself as you read on… (Be warned that you may need to put aside all logic for a bit as you read the story below, as it is after all a work of pure fiction that I wrote as a teenager!)

> I loved her like I have loved no else before or ever will hereafter. I was crazy, possessed, obsessed, call it what you may, all in the name of love. But nothing came close to describing and nothing will ever diminish the intensity of what I felt for her, since the very first time I met her!
I do not seek to rationalize this feeling. For the very feeling is euphoric enough to make me drift away into a world of my own and not wish to return. But I ask aloud all the same. Is this really what they call Love? Or is this just another malady masquerading as love? If it is some sort of malady then what is the cure, is there an antidote to revive the person who has fallen straight into its depths? Who can explain why one willingly devotes all one’s time, one’s heart, mind and soul to a special someone, someone who can neither be replaced nor forgotten? Why does one wait endlessly for just one phone call, a note or even a few precious moments to be spent only with that someone when the world around has so much else to offer? Why does one have that burning desire to catch a glimpse of that person’s face, even if it’s just a fleeting glimpse in passing? Why does one seek out that one person in a crowd and strain one’s ears just to listen to that familiar voice time and again? And why does the sound of that voice or a whiff of that person’s perfume in the air put a smile on our faces for no apparent reason? The answers to all these questions I may never find, but one thing is for sure, if you believe in love, it will never let you down.
I am now going to narrate our story, which many a heart that has been in love may be able to relate to, to some extent atleast.
From the moment she walked into my life, I knew that we were meant to be together till the end of time. She was everything that I had ever wished for and to me there was no world beyond her. Her cheery smile and friendly ‘hello’ was all it took to brighten up my day. I relied on her presence in my life so completely that it did not matter where I was, who else was around or even if I was breathing or not anymore, as long as she was there beside me. Everything around felt beautiful and perfect when we were together, and it seemed as if this blissful feeling would prevail in our lives forever.
And then we broke up. The grand dreams we had built like sandcastles on a beach were then washed away by the wave of misunderstanding. It was as if a thousand daggers had all found their target in me as they struck me down hard. Till then I was living in a prolonged sweet dream; now I was all awake and sitting up and she was gone. No one could possibly understand and if at all someone could, words would not be enough to express the agony this breaking up lead to.
The two of us had been like two leaves on the same branch with similar thoughts, aspirations and ideas and our lives were evergreen with happiness that knew no end and sorrow had no room in our hearts. We were inseparable and the strong bond of love between us promised to keep the two of us together for all eternity. But now everything suddenly seemed impossible and our love seemed like an illusion.
The days that followed our break-up were miserable to say the least. I soon lost my appetite and spent many sleepless nights just staring into empty space. And even when I struggled to get some rest by closing my eyes, visions of her haunted me making me feel helpless about all that had happened. I so desperately wanted her back by my side.
No one, not even the closest of my friends could divert my mind to some other thought. Day in and day out, she was all I had in mind, she was the light that made me see, the air that kept me breathing and the blood that coursed through my veins. Now I was a broken man, feeling blind and choking in her absence. As time passed my condition became worse and a visit to the doctor confirmed that I was physically ill, not to mention the mental torture I was going through.
Then one day, it happened. As I sat on my wall reading a tragic love story just like ours, I felt for the first time in weeks, a strong urge to go and meet her. I don’t know what made me feel that way but something inside me told me that if I did not see her then, I would not be seeing her ever again.
Deciding to walk over to her house right away, I jumped off the wall. But I just couldn’t move a step as my mind kept telling me to hold back while my heart forced me to proceed. Finally I gave in to my heart, which had a very special place for her and her alone.
As I walked, I felt I was taking a trip down memory lane. The thought of our wonderful past together then brought out memories of our very first date. With warm tears rolling down my cheeks, I moved on but I just couldn’t make it to my love’s house. Before I even realized what was happening, I blacked out.
I remember no more but when I opened my eyes again, I realized I was lying on a hospital bed. Doctors, nurses, my friends and even she was there at my bedside. Or was it really her ? Maybe my mind was playing games with me, just like fate had all these years. But one thing was unmistakable, something I could not have missed with my eyes wide open; all of them were solemnly looking down at me in the saddest manner.
It was only later that I learnt that I had an enlarged heart and that I was not going to live for much longer. The thought of dying did not worry me, but some of my so-called friends now joked among themselves saying that the enlargement of my heart had been caused by my love and that it would keep on enlarging as long as my love for her kept growing within. When I heard this, it hurt me most.
But all this is to be forgotten. Its time to make amends. Whatever they said is partly true. The love I have for her in my heart will never cease to grow. And as I lie on my bed, awaiting death to come and embrace me, I strongly believe that people may die, but love never dies and that it is forever. This lifetime may not have seen us together, but someday she and I will meet again and start a brand new story of our own. < As a footnote, I’d like to add that I believe in the following

– ->-@ Love is formless, ageless and timeless and it surpasses the limitations of our mortal mind and physical form.


->-@ Love is the purest of feelings that transcends the boundaries that we have created for ourselves like caste, creed, religion, social status and race. It is thereby not bound or restricted by the colour of our skin, our gender, our nationality, the tongue we speak in or by the worldly wealth we possess.
->-@ Love is not about the possession or the ownership of another, it is the joy and contentment in knowing that you are together no matter what and nothing will stand in between or separate you, not time, not distance, not even death. It does not seek to be qualified nor does it get altered in any way by the adjectives we prefix it with, be it romantic, platonic, young, old, new, motherly, brotherly, sisterly and so on and so forth.
->-@ Love is not limited to be shared just between lovers. All living beings have the innate potential and the right to love and be loved by every other living being around regardless of their way of life, thinking and all else.
For Love is more than all of that. It is a way of life. And Love is Immortal just like all of us.

So love with all you’ve got and welcome the warmth of love into your lives. Let its magic and healing powers transform your lives. Remember, it is Love that forges a relationship so let not a relationship define and decide if love should enter your life.

Lonely as an Island

Lonely as an island, carefree like the wanton wind that blows
My life is but a wretched mess,
Cold and choppy like the waters that touch its shores

I wait with a flicker of hope that burns eternal
Waiting for due deliverance from this weary mortal frame
But the Moving Finger has different plans for me
And I am just a mere pawn in His game!

What misdeeds have I done to deserve this all
What grave sin is mine that I suffer so
Is a question that I fear to ask
Though that is something I yearn to know.

Sadness some say is a passing thing
And that mercy is all pervasive
But all I see is a lost cause, that’s become my life
And the remotest signs of happiness are so elusive.

Hang on, there must be light at the end of the tunnel, cries out a part of me
Again that darned thing called Hope!
But does He know, he who rules up there somewhere,
Of this miserable solitude, that I can barely cope!

Lonely as an Island am I
Carefree like the wanton wind that blows
Not a soul to call my own have I,
But only a dull pain deep within that grows.